Rheinhardt the Travel Writer

Rheinhardt the travel writer, 52 years old, was born in Austria, followed the "hippie trail" and all the drugs that went with it in the US during the 70's and 80's, has residency in 15 European countries, fathered a Ukrainian love child (and perhaps one or two in South America as well), worked in the tax evasion business in Romania, and currently resides on a little island in Greece where- as he says- the beaches are beautiful and no one cares who you are or where you came from.

These are the things you learn about a person when they decide to spend ALL day in your bookstore, and decide to spend ALL day telling you about their life. Thus it was with Rheinhardt, my entertainment for the weekend. He showed up on Thursday and continued telling me about life and travel and Buddhism, among other things, until Sunday afternoon. We got to talking and pretty soon he's off on a play-by-play of every single spot in Europe that's worth visiting, what to see and where to avoid. Because it was a slow day, I was amused by his rambling (that's really what it was, rambling, just fluffy filler and grandiose articulations of this beautiful beach here or that beautiful site there.) He spoke all about the interesting people he's met in his life, and asked if if I listen to Jim Croce. He gestured sweepingly with his hands, as if conducting a symphony, not unlike Willem Defoe in "Boondock Saints," and told me he felt my positive aura and could tell I was following the right path in life. (Tom, Calvin, Durkin, whoever may be reading this: just picture Rochus Gratzfeld, but grey-haired and slimmer, with similar mannerisms and equally as many foreign girlfriends.) "This is how you should lead your life," he told me. "Send out your wishes to existence, (insert hand gesture here) and see what you get back, (more sweeping of arms) and then go where life leads you."

I assured him that I'll be sure to send my wishes out to existence soon; right after I get this nutcase out of my store.

He continued to tell me that I will do great things in my life because I am positive and have a smile that radiates goodness. "Your parents love you very much. I can tell. You are a happy person filled with life. You must travel, travel, travel now. Before you are old. Don't stop when you are young." He continues on like this for a while and eventually I try to drown him out. Come on, man, don't you have anything better to do with your time?

At 7pm he announces he's off for the day, but will return tomorrow. I (oh-so-somberly) inform him that I do not work on Fridays but it was lovely talking with him today. He leaves, and I shake my head in amusement at the ridiculous day. Friday manages to pass without a single Rheinhardt sighting (I tried to stay out of my room/bookstore as much as possible) though on Saturday I come out of my room (for those of you who haven't had the virtual Skype tour of Shakes, my apartment is literally the back room of the bookstore, so I open my door and step into the Children's Section... no joke) and there he is, reading Eckhart Tolle. Oy. Vey.

He informs me that he met a young man the day before, a 20-year old student going to school for hotel management who works at Hotel Růže. The young man has apparently "lost his way" in life, and Rheinhardt told him about me and instructed him that he should come talk to me sometime in the next week. "I think it will be good for the man to see someone his age who has such clarity about life and is on the right path of existence. You can talk with him, and tell him how you found your way."

I assured him that when (or rather, "if," as I thought in my head) he shows up I'll be sure to talk with him about life paths and positive auras. Several philosophical conversations and grandiose arm gestures later, Rheinhardt finally left. Oh, I should mention that before he went, he gave me his address with the instructions that I send him an e-mail in "about two years or so" updating him on my life path, with an evaluation of every place I've gone, so maybe he can put my comments in his next travel segment.

Look for my quote in the 2012 edition of Lonely Planet: Crazyland.